Even a turkey can soar with the eagles

"Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." (Isaiah 40:28-31)

What I love about these verses is that God, the creator of all things, never gets tired of me. He never faints in despair at my frailties and shortcomings. He who has all strength is willing to keep strengthening me, when I would have given up on me ages ago. What's more, he takes me at whatever level I am. If I can fly, he gives me wings. If I cannot fly but can at least run, he will strengthen my running. And if all I can do is walk, he'll keep me going. The pace doesn't matter to God, only the direction and the willingness to give it my all.

The key is to "wait upon the Lord". One sense of "waiting" is "anticipating with expectation". To wait is not to sit down and do nothing. It is doing everything I can and then expecting a miracle, because God is a God of miracles - always has been and always will be. He made the ends of the earth without getting tired. Surely he can make something out of me.

To "wait" on someone is also to serve them, like the waitress who brought me a sandwich and a piece of pie last night. When I wait upon (i.e., serve) God, my strength is renewed. Now matter how tired I get in his service, he pumps me back up and sets me on the course for the next round.

If I wait upon the Lord (which means serving without worrying about running out of strength, and expecting miracles from the God of miracles), I believe that even turkeys like me can someday soar with the eagles.

Praying in the name of Jesus: Am I taking the Lord's name in vain?

We as Christians are taught to pray to the Father in the name of Jesus (for example, Ephesians 5:20). We typically end our prayers with the phrase “In the name of Jesus Christ.” When we do anything in the name of Christ, we are doing what we believe Christ would do. So when I offer a prayer in the name of Christ, I should be offering the kind of prayer that Jesus himself would pray.

I think most of the time, however, my prayers are not the kind of prayers Jesus would offer to his Father. My prayers are many times selfish or prideful or even thoughtless. I fear that I take the Lord’s name in vain when I attach his name to my misguided prayers.

The answer, of course, is not to stop praying. Our Father is happy with every prayer we send his way. Any prayer is better than no prayer. My prayer does not have to be eloquent or fancy or long, and it surely should not be rote or tedious. If I bore myself, I am surely boring God. Nevertheless, the lesson I am learning is that a prayer should be worthy of Christ’s name when I attach his name to it.

If I begin a prayer by asking the Holy Ghost to teach me what Jesus would pray about if he were offering this prayer, and then listen to the promptings of the Spirit, I can offer a prayer that I can close in the name of Jesus Christ, and do it not in vain. I can pray like the disciples of Christ, for “they did not multiply many words, for it was given unto them what they should pray, and they were filled with desire. And it came to pass that Jesus blessed them as they did pray…; and his countenance did smile upon them, and the light of his countenance did shine upon them… And Jesus said unto them: Pray on” (3 Nephi 19:24-26).

I will “pray on” in the name of Christ in the faith that “Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you” (John 16:23).

Did the Creator create evil?

The Great Creator did not create all things.

• The Creator did not create dark, he created light. Dark is merely the absence of the light God created. 
• The Creator did not create cold, he created heat. Cold is merely the absence of the heat God created. 
• The Creator did not create agency, it is co-eternal with God. The Creator did not give us agency, he simply acknowledged that we have it and promised to never remove it or violate it.
• The Creator did not create evil, he created love. Evil is not a creation of God, it is a creation of people who have rejected God's love. 

Light and heat are physical forces that have physical limitations in the physical universe, and thus we may see places of darkness and cold where the Creator's forces do not reach.

God's love, on the other hand, is infinite and eternal. It can reach every corner of the universe and penetrate every human heart.  With their agency, people create places that are dark and cold by erecting walls and barriers to block light and heat. With that same agency, people create evil by erecting walls and barriers around their hearts to block God's love.

We cannot blame the Creator for darkness or cold or evil. We can blame only ourselves for using our inalienable agency to build the walls that keep God's beautiful creations out.

My prayer is that the Creator will show me the walls I have built around my heart so that I can tear them down and let his light, warmth, and love shine brightly in my life, and that I can bring a measure of light, warmth, and love into the lives of others.

The errand of all those who know the Creator's love is to shine His light into the darkness, radiate His warmth into the cold, and share His love where it is absent.

Living life Upside Down

No one will argue that everyone has struggles. We are all different, and we all have our own struggles, but it is a universal truth that we all struggle. That is why we are here on earth, to "prove [us] herewith, to see if [we] will do all things whatsoever the Lord [our] God shall command [us]" (Abraham 3:25). God tests us with life in mortality and a world full of wonderful and distracting things, not so much so we can prove to him what we can do, but to prove to ourselves what we are made of.

I struggle to get out of my own way and let the Lord’s hand work in my life. I struggle with pride and vanity and letting other people shine without worrying about how their brilliance reflects on me. I struggle to learn simple lessons and then to implement what I have learned instead of just doing the same old thing the same old way.

When I was young and starting out, I focused on getting my temporal life in order: education, career, marriage, family, house, furniture, reliable cars that had to keep expanding as the number of car seats increased, and a reasonable amount of entertainment. The Church was really a hobby. I kept the commandments, read the scriptures, paid tithing, went to church, did my home teach most of the time, filled my callings (unless they became totally inconvenient), went to ward temple night most months, and so on. I did the essential things, and I said that once I got established in life, and I was not so busy with the temporal demands of this telestial existence, I would focus more on the spiritual things. I would go to the temple more, get serious about family history research, really study the scriptures, bake more loaves of bread for my neighbors, get anxiously engaged in a good cause and do good works of my own free will, figure out what the temple covenants really mean, pray more diligently, ask for the gift of charity, align my life with the will of the Lord, and so on.

What I am learning is that all of that temporal stuff was, and still is, a distraction. I focused on the stuff of the world for forty years, and now I am finding that those habits do not just fall away when I decide it’s time to get serious. It is all upside down and backwards. Life is the distraction that keeps me from seeing what is really important. In my old age, I see that faith and service are the stuff of existence, and temporal pursuits are the hobby. The Book of Mormon teaches repeatedly that if we keep the commandments of God, we shall prosper in the land. For so long I lived as if the Book of Mormon said, “if ye prosper in the land, ye shall be able to keep my commandments.” I have had it all backwards, and when I try to turn it around, the old habits of thought and practice are hard to break.

When we are ready, however, the Lord humbles us. He has promised that if we ask him, he will show us our weaknesses. I have put that promise to the test, and I can testify that the Lord delivers, for I see weaknesses all over the place in my life. He has also made a related promise: He will make weak things become strong unto us (see Ether 12:27). I'm anxious to see how the second half of the promise pans out for me. I've got the weakness part down pretty good. Now I'm waiting for the strength part to kick in. The older I get, the more I hope that it gets here while I can still remember what I asked for.

Pioneer Day thoughts

We have concluded another Pioneer Day weekend. The Latter-day Saints share a common heritage of hardy and faithful pioneers who left their homes and often all of their material belongings and sometimes even their most cherished loved ones to honor the call of a Prophet to gather with the saints in Zion. Whether we are direct descendants of these brave men and women or simply thrilled at their stories of sacrifice, hardship, and heroism, they are our spiritual forefathers. I appreciate them, though I am not directly descended from them, because where and how I live is directly attributable to their heroic efforts.

In a way I had never thought of before, I see Heavenly Father as the Great and Eternal Forefather. He surely must have sacrificed and labored greatly to pave the way for the life we enjoy as his spirit children. Without him, we would be disorganized intelligences floating about in a universe of chaos. Through his heroic efforts, he brought organization to the universe, clothed us in spirits, gave us this earth, provided a means for us to obtain physical bodies, and made a way for us to return to him and become like him. I owe him everything.

Second, I hold the happiness of many generations in my hands. My ancestors, who accept the gospel in the Spirit World and are worthy to receive saving ordinances, cannot be happy until I do the work for them so that they are sealed together and to God. My posterity depends on my example and my efforts to ensure that they have a righteous lineage in which to be born so that they, too, will be sealed in this family and to God. Both groups of spirits are very near and are anxiously watching. If I squander my time and fail to live up to my responsibilities, they will be highly disappointed and terribly frustrated. In the end, I know that God’s mercy and justice will put everything in its proper order, but I would hate to be the missing link that he had to work around to save his children.

The Formula of Enough

I have been pondering on C. S. Lewis’s discourse in The Screwtape Letters on acting in accordance with our knowledge. Satan does not care how much we know about righteous principles as long as we do not act on them. He likes us to be satisfied with knowledge for knowledge’s sake and feel no compulsion to do anything about what we know. I am very much like that. I love to learn, but my actions are far below my knowledge.

For instance, I have learned that I should pray for others, and I have gotten good at praying for family and neighbors and acquaintances who are afflicted and struggling, and I think my duty is done. Praying is better than being oblivious, which was my former condition; but prayers without actions are not truly effective. I do not reach out to those I pray for, see how they are doing, and look for ways to help. I just pray for them and forget them as I get into my busy daily routine. If I really loved those I pray for, I would make a few minutes each day to contact at least one of them in a meaningful way, let them know that I thought about them, and lift them in some way.

As I thought about this, I recalled another statement by Lewis that if we were in the physical presence of God, we would want to be constantly active in his service and would feel disappointed if he told us to take a half hour off to go amuse ourselves. I pondered what it would be like to be truly in Christ’s presence and to serve constantly with him. It would be thrilling and deeply soul satisfying to receive a command from him, go about his business, and then return and report success and receive his approval.

Now, in this mortal world, unless we are specifically called on a mission or to some position in the Church in which we are required to forsake all and serve full time, we are expected to work to clothe ourselves, obtain our daily bread, provide for shelter, maintain our health, care for our property, and earn an honest living. Our physical bodies in their current state demand that we eat and sleep and operate within the confines of the physical limitations of our strength and age. All of this physical living takes up a good deal of our time – but not all of it. Especially in middle class American society, we still have a good deal of discretionary time.

In addition, God has given us phenomenal bodies with five senses that can bring us much pleasure in many ways. He has also created a spectacular earth with which we can interact with our bodies. These are gifts that he expects us to enjoy and appreciate. He is pleased when we find joy in the gifts he has given us. “Men are, that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:25). Without our physical bodies, we cannot have a fullness of joy (see D&C 93:33-34).

God did not place us in such favorable circumstance, however, only to make a living and accumulate wealth, only to adorn ourselves, only to eat, only to relax, only to amuse ourselves, and solely for pleasure. When we do anything to excess or beyond what is needful, we are gluttons, and the Lord is not pleased with gluttony. Balance is good, gluttony is sin.

God also expects us to get outside of ourselves. It is okay to love ourselves, but we must also love our neighbors. He did not say to love our neighbors to the exclusion of ourselves, but to love them equally with the love we have naturally for ourselves.

There is the challenge. In the world dominated by Satan’s formula of “always more”, we have to learn to recognize when we have enough for ourselves and can turn our attention to others. When we have fed ourselves enough, we give the rest to others. When we have worked enough to take care of our needs, we work for others. When we have used enough time to keep ourselves fit and healthy, we give time to others. When we have loved ourselves enough, we give the rest of our love to others. We need to find the balance in the “formula of enough” to know when we have means – goods, energy, time and love – to serve others.

The formula is different for each of us, and it is defined by God. We must go to him to learn the parameters and the calculations. The formula contains variables that change with time and circumstances according to our needs, the needs of others, and God’s will. Thus we must be constantly in tune with the Holy Ghost, whose role it is to teach us every day how to work the formula. He gives us the day’s variables and we work the formula to produce the desired result, which is to please God. True happiness is found, not in gluttony, which is Satan’s equation of “always more”, but in God’s “formula of enough”.

When a funeral is a good thing

In April our stake president attended our ward sacrament meeting and instructed us on the proper observance of the ordinance of the sacrament of the Lord's Supper. He said that we should treat sacrament meeting as the Savior's funeral. Now, that statement could be taken in a very morbid, macabre way, but that is not how he meant it. In fact, proper Latter-day Saint funerals are not morbid. They can be some of the most spiritually uplifting events we can attend. The same should be true of sacrament meetings, when we come in the proper spirit.

I have been to many funerals. The first thing I notice about a funeral is that everyone comes prepared. No one just drops by casually. All come with a purpose in mind and with a sense of what is going to happen. I am always struck by the sense of reverence that prevails over the congregation and over the very place where the service is held. We come seeking peace and assurance and solace. We share a common bond as a congregation - a love for the person who has passed on or for the family who has been left behind. That bond creates a unity of purpose and feeling, which invites the Spirit of the Lord to be present.

Such can also be our feelings when we enter sacrament meeting. If we all come with a purpose, seeking peace and assurance and solace for our sins, with an intention to repent and improve, if we come with love for the Savior and in reverence for the sacrifice he made for us, we as a congregation can be united, and that unity will bring the Spirit of the Lord.

Loss and Mourning

Common at a funeral are feelings of loss and mourning for being separated from the ones we love. During the sacrament we can recognize the feelings of loss for our separation from Christ because of our sins, and we can mourn the price he had to pay to overcome our sins.

The purpose of a funeral is to reflect on, remember, respect, and celebrate the life of the deceased. During the service we typically recall the fine and good things the person has done, and we hear others who knew that person well talk about their experiences with him and how they felt about him. We do the same in a sacrament meeting. We speak of Christ's love, his miracles, his matchless life, and his supernal sacrifice. We reflect on how his Atonement has impacted our life.

I have been to funerals where I did not know the person well. Rather, I go to support a friend who has lost a loved one in keeping with my covenant to "mourn with those that mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort." I have been fascinated by the things I have learned about this relative stranger. Similarly, I love learning about the Savior in sacrament meeting from others who know him better, or at least differently, than I do. When I listen carefully, I always come away with new knowledge and an increased understanding of Christ.

Bearing Testimony

I particularly enjoy the monthly testimony meeting. It is, or should be, like the funeral in which those who love the deceased take turns telling about their fondest memories of the departed loved one and how he or she changed their lives. Those who rise to speak focus on the individual and what he or she meant to them. They express gratitude for the service and kindness the person showed them. They speak personally, intimately about their relationship with the deceased and what they will most remember about the person.

Such should be our testimonies in sacrament meeting. We are taught to avoid thank-imonies and travelogues and sermons. The stake president counseled us to say nothing in sacrament meeting that would not be appropriate at Jesus' funeral. I think this is what he meant.

The difference between a funeral for an earthly loved one and for Jesus is that the temporary, mortal sorrow of Christ's death has already been swallowed up in the joy of his resurrection. We already know how it turns out. Because of the Atonement, we may attend the funeral of a righteous loved one with peace tempered by mourning. And so we also come to sacrament meeting rejoicing that death is temporary, that the grave has been overcome, that he who was dead now lives. And because he lives, we shall live.

Thus sacrament meeting, like a good funeral, is solemn but not somber, sobering but not depressing, respectful but not morose. We can be sorry and celebratory at the same time. It is a paradox, the likes of which God seems to be very fond.

Conclusion

My feelings about sacrament meeting have changed perceptibly in the months since President McKay came to our ward. I hope to continually attend and partake of the ordinance of the sacrament with the same spirit that President McKay taught me that day.

Lifting burdens, strengthening weaknesses

It is my weekly privilege to lead a Sunday school class of marvelously faithful and inquiring high school juniors and seniors. It is a true blessing to me to be a part of this class and to learn with them through the Spirit as we discuss the gospel. Note that I say that I lead the class but I do not teach it. We teach each other through our discussions, and I always come away from our sessions feeling like I have learned at least as much as anyone else in the class.

For the past couple of weeks we have been discussing mortal burdens and weaknesses and how the Atonement of Christ helps lighten our loads. One thing I have learned from these young men and women is that the youth in Davis County, Utah, have plenty of challenges and burdens. Growing up in faithful families in a predominately LDS community does not provide these youth of Zion with a free pass to endlessly carefree lives. Challenges and difficulties are necessary to growth, and these young people need to grow just like everyone else. No one is exempt from the extremities of life. How we react to those extremities, and how we help others with their burdens, are the lessons we are sent to mortality to learn.

And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life— Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you? (Mosiah 18:8-10)

One of the covenants we make at baptism is to help others bear their burdens, to mourn with them, and to comfort them. The Apostle Paul taught the saints in Galatia the same principle when he wrote to them, "Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2). Christ's law, also known as the Law of the Gospel, is to bear each other's burdens.

We covenant weekly to take upon us the name of Christ and always remember him and keep his commandments (D&C 20:77). Our goal is to become like Christ. Through the Atonement, he bore the burdens of all mankind. To become like him, we must learn to bear the burdens of others.

Necessary and Unnecessary Burdens

We experience two classes of burdens in our lives:

1. Positive - Duties, obligations, responsibilities.
2. Negative - Liabilities, encumbrances, problems, or difficulties.

Both classes of burdens are necessary to our growth and development. As we learn to bear up under our burdens, we become strong and develop endurance.

Another way of classifying our burdens is:

1. Necessary - burdens that strengthen us.
2. Unnecessary - burdens that weaken us.

The purpose of life is not to avoid all burdens. We need burdens to grow and progress and gain strength, just as an athlete needs resistance to build muscle and endurance. I recall a summer of very difficult conditioning in high school as our football team prepared for the season. I spent the whole summer pushing and pulling against weights that were far beyond my capacity. I could not budge them from their stands. I ran bleachers until my legs gave out and wind sprints until my lungs burst. I hated that summer. I sprained my ankle in a practice early in the season and did not play much. But I continued the weight training regimen. In the spring I joined the track team in the shot put event, which required more weight training.

The next summer, when it was time for football conditioning again, I went back to the same barbell stations, which the previous summer had been immovable obstacles for me. This time, I could lift them all with ease. They were no longer heavy enough to give me the workout I needed. Those weights and bleachers were necessary burdens for me.

On the other side of the coin is the story of a boy scout troop that went for an all-day hike. Each boy carried a backpack filled with the necessities for the trip - food, water, a first-aid kit, a compass, and knife, and so forth. One of the boys was a rock collector. As they walked along the trail, when he saw a particularly interesting or unusual rock, he picked it up and put it in his backpack. Soon his backpack was fuller and heavier than all of the other boys', and his legs and shoulders began to get tired. Nevertheless, there were still more interesting rocks along the path. When his pack became too full, he began to jettison other items to make more room. When the troop finally halted for lunch, the rock collector opened his pack to find no water and no food, only rocks. Unnecessary burdens are generally a result of our unwise choices or the unwise choices of others.

The obvious lesson is to recognize the difference between necessary and unnecessary burdens. We should dump the rocks from our backpacks so that we have capacity and strength for the essentials.

Source of Burdens

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. (Ether 12:27)

Some of our burdens come from God. My football coach marched me through weight training and bleachers when I would rather have gone to the beach because he knew what I needed to be ready to win a football game. Similarly, God hands us necessary burdens because he knows what we need to become like him and to be ready to enter his kingdom.

Burdens may be placed on us by others outside of our control. We may be oppressed and weighed down unfairly. For example, the people of Limhi were enslaved by their Lamanite overlords.

Now they [the Lamanites] durst not slay them [the people of Limhi], because of the oath which their king had made unto Limhi; but they would smite them on their cheeks, and exercise authority over them; and began to put heavy burdens upon their backs, and drive them as they would a dumb ass. (Mosiah 21:3)

Oppression is a burden, whether it be political or social or economic. The people of Limhi were oppressed by the Lamanites as a result of the people's iniquity, greed, and pride. Their burdens came as a result of unrighteous choices of their own making as well as from the rebellious iniquity of a whole group of people.

The people of Alma, on the other hand, found themselves in similar circumstances as the people of Limhi even though they had repented and turned to the the Savior and were living faithful lives of righteousness. Just as the Lamanites had surrounded and oppressed Limhi's people, they also enslaved Alma's little band of believers. The difference, however, in how the two groups of Nephites responded to their oppressive burdens is remarkable and instructive. Limhi's people fought three bloody battles with the Lamanites to try to free themselves from their oppressors, each time being beaten and weakened until they finally submitted out of necessity. Alma's people took a different approach. Instead of depending on the arm of flesh to rescue themselves, they turned to the Lord. As a result of their humility and faithfulness, the Lord blessed them.

And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord. (Mosiah 24:14-15)

In the end, both groups escaped their captors. The cost, however, was much higher to the proud people of Limhi than it was to the humble followers of Alma.

The worst burdens we carry are those we create for ourselves. Like the boyscout picking up rocks, we may be collecting all sort of interesting and attractive burdens. Now, most of us do not pick up large boulders, but we fill our pockets with a plethora of small, shiny pebbles. A little lie, miscounted change from the grocery store, an extra candy bar from the vending machine, a borrowed tool that was never returned, a plagiarized assignment for a class because we ran out of time to do our own work, a sarcastic joke at someone's expense because we wanted to look clever, an 'R' rated movie because there was "just a little profanity", a little coffee after a graveyard shift because there is just so much to do the next day, an occasional glance at an inappropriate web site, a selfish thought, an impure motive, a grudge, an unkind word, an argument left unresolved. The list of sparkling pebbles is endless (see Mosiah 4:29).

The unnecessary burdens of sin and rebellion usually result in punishment. Often the punishment is the requirement to carry the burden we have made for ourselves until we repent. Even after repenting from our rebellions, we may be required to endure the short- and long-term consequences of our poor choices. An addict is always an addict, even when he is sober. Broken health may not be restored. Broken relationships may not be easily mended. In mercy, the Savior offers to share the yoke with us and lighten our burden, but he may not remove it completely for a time. He knows what we need to help us learn humility and patience and endurance, and he will not remove the burden completely until the lesson is learned.

Lifting burdens

There is, nevertheless, hope in Christ. He never leaves us if we do not leave him.

And it shall come to pass in that day, that his [the oppressor's] burden shall be taken away from off thy shoulder, and his yoke from off thy neck, and the yoke shall be destroyed because of the anointing. (Isaiah 10:27)

The day will come in which the external burdens will be removed from us. This is the "great day of the Lord", which is the Second Coming. Until then, we can expect to be faced with burdens. The "anointing" is the Atonement performed by the Anointed One, who is Christ. He will remove the burdens.

When we have given all of our unnecessary burdens to the Savior, what is left are the burdens that we still need to carry, at least for a time. These necessary burdens do not have to overwhelm us. There are family, friends, home teachers, visiting teachers, priesthood leaders, and others who have covenanted, as have we, to make others' burdens light.

We are neither exempt from burdens, nor are we exempt from assisting others with their burdens. We are the Savior's hands. As the song says, "he has not hands but ours." Often he answers the desperate prayers of others through us. That can happen, however, only if we listen for the promptings of the Holy Ghost. When we are baptized, we receive the gift of the Holy Ghost to be our constant companion so that we can constantly receive instruction and direction to help and comfort others. If we ask for it, the Holy Spirit will open our eyes to see the people around us and recognize the challenges they face and the help they need. God will teach us how to keep our baptismal covenants, and he will provide us with ample opportunities to practice. We gain strength and endurance from bearing burdens - it does not matter whether those burdens are our own or someone else's.

Our ultimate help comes from him who carries all burdens, even Jesus Christ, the Redeemer.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)

He does not violate our free agency. He does not force his help upon us. It is up to us to ask. The key to getting an answer is to ask the right question. Sometimes the appropriate request is to remove the burden. Many times, however, the right request is for increased strength, capacity, and capability to carry the load that the Lord wants us to bear. We often ask the Lord to change our unpleasant circumstances when those circumstances are exactly what he wants us to experience and learn from.

After the suffering handcart company was rescued from Martin's cove, three men were asked to remain with the company's belongings until the weather improved in the spring and wagons could be sent to retrieve their goods. The three men quickly ran out of food. Soon all they had available to them were leather hides. Now, most of us in such circumstances would have asked the Lord to change our circumstances. "Send us some buffalo or some stray cattle so we have something to eat," we would have logically prayed. But these three men understood the celestial logic of prayer. The Spirit inspired them to pray to have their capacities changed so that they could digest the hides. Their faithful prayer was answered. Through inspiration they learned how to prepare and boil the hides to make them chew-able, and their digestive systems were altered so that they could derive sufficient nutrients from the hides to sustain their lives. They managed in the bitter snow for another six weeks until the ground cleared and wagons could reach them.

Burdens are a necessary part of our mortal probation.  As Sheri Dew says, "This is a test. It is only a test." My daily prayer is in two parts:

1. Help me bear my necessary burdens, help me let go of my unnecessary burdens, and give me the wisdom to recognize the difference.
2. Help me to see the burdens of others, which are my opportunity to lighten in the name of Christ.

Mount up with wings as eagles

I was recently re-introduced to Isaiah Chapter 40 in the Old Testament. These days we tend to shy away from Isaiah. His Hebraic style of prophecy, couched in the vocabulary and syntax of King James' English of the seventeenth century, makes for challenging reading. Yet the prophets of the Book of Mormon loved Isaiah. They quoted him freely, sometimes whole chapters at a time.

Nevertheless, even Nephi admitted that Isaiah's writings could be difficult to understand: "For behold, Isaiah spake many things which were hard for many of my people to understand; for they know not concerning the manner of prophesying among the Jews" (2 Nephi 25:1). But though Isaiah may not be light reading, Nephi encouraged his people - and us - to study the words of Isaiah, for they have great power and are of great worth, and his words contain an important message for all people: "And now I write some of the words of Isaiah, that whoso of my people shall see these words may lift up their hearts and rejoice for all men. Now these are the words, and ye may liken them unto you and unto all men" (2 Nephi 11:8).

Jesus himself was fond of quoting Isaiah. He recognized Isaiah was his prophet – the Messianic prophet. No prophet in the Old Testament wrote more about the coming of the Messiah than did Isaiah. The Savior, during his ministry to the Nephites on the American continent, commanded the people to study Isaiah's writings: "And now, behold, I say unto you, that ye ought to search these things. Yea, a commandment I give unto you that ye search these things diligently; for great are the words of Isaiah" (3 Nephi 23:1). Such is Christ's ringing endorsement of Isaiah.

It is true that Isaiah's writings are filled with doom-and-gloom predictions of the destruction of Israel. He enumerates their wickedness and explains their follies and vanities, and he foretells a bleak future. Obscure references to locations, people, and events of his day can make his writing obtuse and bewildering. Yet Nephi says that his words should cause us to lift up our hearts and rejoice, and the Savior himself says that his words are great.

So what is so great about the words of Isaiah? Well, amidst the gloomy predictions and the vitriolic condemnations of an apostate Israel are magnificent and inspiring expressions of hope and salvation. Isaiah's prevailing message is not so much that Israel is doomed as that Israel will be saved. Nephi teaches us to liken Isaiah's words to ourselves, and so we should glean the same message – though we may feel doomed, salvation is ours. The Lord will come to our rescue.

Such is the hope found in Chapter 40 of Isaiah. Listen to the powerfully uplifting words of the prophet as he tells us of the majesty of God.

Comfort ye, comfort ye my people, saith your God. Speak ye comfortably to Jerusalem, and cry unto her, that her warfare is accomplished, that her iniquity is pardoned: for she hath received of the Lord’s hand double for all her sins. (Verses 1-2)

God tells his people to be comforted. The day shall come when the war of mortality will be over, and the battle against sin and evil will be won. We will be forgiven for our sins and mistakes if we have put our faith in the Lord and our efforts into building up his kingdom. Though we may feel like we have been punished twice over for our failings, the only real punishment is our own guilt. The Lord promises to lift us up and pardon our iniquities. Even in the midst of our trials, the promise of forgiveness is comfort indeed.

O Zion, that bringest good tidings, get thee up into the high mountain; O Jerusalem, that bringest good tidings, lift up thy voice with strength; lift it up, be not afraid; say unto the cities of Judah, Behold your God! Behold, the Lord God will come with strong hand, and his arm shall rule for him: behold, his reward is with him, and his work before him. He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young. (Verses 9-11)

Good tidings await us in the "high mountain", which is the temple. Armed with power and gladness, we are to speak up and speak out with courage. Our work is to share the gospel and to prepare ourselves and others for the Second Coming of Christ, when he will come with his "strong hand" and his arm of power to rule and reign, which is his right and destiny. Contrast the strong hand and arm of the ruler with the image of the loving shepherd who feeds his flocks and gathers his lambs. He will use his strong arms to hold us to his breast, close to his heart, and to lead us with gentleness. He will care for us and our families.  But how do we know he can truly help us?

Who hath measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, and meted out heaven with the span, and comprehended the dust of the earth in a measure, and weighed the mountains in scales, and the hills in a balance? Behold, the nations are as a drop of a bucket, and are counted as the small dust of the balance: behold, he taketh up the isles as a very little thing. Have ye not known? have ye not heard? hath it not been told you from the beginning? have ye not understood from the foundations of the earth? It is he that sitteth upon the circle of the earth, and the inhabitants thereof are as grasshoppers; that stretcheth out the heavens as a curtain, and spreadeth them out as a tent to dwell in: (Verses 12, 15, 21, 22)

To understand how good God is, we need to understand first how spectacular he is. God is the magnificent, supreme Being. He comprehends the vastness of the universe. He can figuratively hold all of the earth's oceans in the cupped palm of one hand. The seas with all of their teeming life are within his grasp. He can measure the vastness of the galaxies between his thumb and little finger. He does not even need to stretch out his arms to encompass the universe. He can gather up all of the dust of the earth and put it in a measuring cup. If you were to ask him, he could tell you exactly how much the mountains and hills weigh. The great nations of the earth, even China and India with their billions today, are as an indistinguishable drop of water in a gallon of generations who have preceded and will yet come among God's children. They are like leftover dust on the scales of humanity that God comprehends. Imagine God sitting on the horizon of the earth with his feet dangling over the edge as he surveys the endless heavens before him, all of which he has created. Next to God, we are no more than pesky little insects that ignorantly consume everything before us without any appreciation for where it came from or how it got there or the destruction we leave in our wake. But that is not the end of the story. Read on!

Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. (Verses 28-31)

Despite how far above and beyond us mortal weaklings God is, he does not get tired of us. He does not give up on his creations. Precisely because he knows us and understands us, and precisely because he can see our potential, his love does not decline towards us. He uses his limitless power, not to smash us, but to build us up. Because he does not faint, he helps us when we feel faint. Because he is endlessly strong, he strengthens us when we feel our own strength slacking. In our natural state we may tire and fall. When we serve God, however, our strength will be replenished.

The Lord then makes three promises. If we are willing and determined and faithful, he will enable us to soar like an eagle. If we are not ready yet to fly but are willing to run, he will enable us to run without fatigue. If we cannot run but are at least willing to walk, he will enable us to lengthen our stride and strengthen our gait. The point is not how fast we get to the finish line. We can fly, or we can run, or we can walk. The point is that we arrive. God sets the course. If we choose to follow it, he promises to strengthen us to the end. No one has to fail. No one has to drop out. Because God is so spectacularly powerful, he can promise immutably that he will help us. Because he will not fail, we will not fail.

That is the hopeful, hope-filled message of Isaiah. In God we can take supreme comfort.

Does God Give Stones or Bread?

The Savior taught his disciples the following parable about answers to prayer:

"If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?" (Luke 11:11-13)

Our loving Heavenly Father will never give us stones or serpents or scorpions. He promises to give us only bread and fish and eggs. He does not hurt us. He only nourishes us.

But sometimes it doesn't feel that way. Sometimes we let what Michael Wilcox calls the "expected good" get in the way of our receiving and appreciating the "given good". We ask for nice, soft, fluffy, easy-to-chew white bread, and God gives us 12-grain whole wheat gluten free bread. We see the dark, hard, crusty, gritty bread and we think it is a stone. And we wonder why God didn't answer our prayer. We wonder why he doesn't love us. We wonder if he is even listening to us, or if he is even there. We completely miss the fact that he gave us what we needed because we did not get what we expected.

God's timing

Sometimes we are disappointed because God gives us gifts on his time schedule instead of on ours. The apostles were rowing across the Sea of Galilee in a terrible storm that threatened to sink them. They wanted to be rescued when the storm first started to dash the waves against their boat during the first watch of the night, which was around six o'clock. But the Savior did not walk across the storm-tossed water and still the storm until the fourth watch, sometime after three in the morning. Why did he not come sooner?

The Israelites had just escaped the Egyptians and had crossed the desert to the shores of the Red Sea. They needed a way to escape Pharaoh and the oncoming Egyptian army. They would have loved for God to send down lightening from heaven to destroy the army, or strike the descending army with blindness so that they could not find them. Or if nothing else, it would have been much less stressful if God had just already opened up the path on dry ground through the Red Sea when they arrived on the shore. But God waited until the Egyptians were practically on top of them before he inspired Moses to raise his staff and command the waters to part. Why did God not provide their escape sooner?

Why does God not always give us yummy, soft white bread? Why does he not still the storm at the sign of the first wave? Why does he not part the Red Sea before we get to the shore? "For mine own purpose have I [done] these things. Here is wisdom and it remaineth in me" (Moses 1:31). Heavenly Father knows what we need and when we need it to produce the most good for us and to strengthen us in the best possible way. He does not give stones, he only gives bread.

Perfect season

My football coach in high school was mean and hateful. When it came to conditioning and training, he was merciless. During pre-season workouts, in the blazing heat of the summer day, he made us run and lift weights and skip rope until we dropped from exhaustion. We ran bleachers until our legs gave out, and then he topped off our workout with a dozen wind-sprints. He was a horrible man, and he hated us. But three months later we finished the season with a perfect record. We raised him on our shoulders and doused him with ice water for being the best coach in the world.

"For mine own purpose have I [done] these things. Here is wisdom and it remaineth in me." God does not give stones or serpents or scorpions. He gives only bread and fish and eggs. The "given good" may not be the "expected good", but it is still good. In fact, what we get is always better than what we ask for. The apostles wanted a calm passage across the lake; what they got was the opportunity to see God walking on the water. The Israelites wanted a peaceful walk through the desert; what they got was a miracle never to be forgotten. I wanted a relaxing summer at the beach; what I got was a perfect season. What we want is fluffy white bread that pleases the pallet and goes down easy; what we often get is bread full of nutrients and healthy fiber that sustains us through tough, challenging times. What we want is a solution; what we get is an opportunity to strengthen our faith and prove ourselves valiant in the face of storms and barriers and afflictions. We want easy, and what we get is perfection.

When you think God is giving you a stone, look again.

Hey Father, guess what!

This morning as I mechanically knelt to say a prayer to start the day, the Spirit brought a recent experience to my memory. A couple of weeks ago I was feeling particularly lonesome for my grandson Jeramy, who lives in California. I really wanted to talk to him and hear how he was doing in his new home and his new school.

I texted his mom and made arrangements for him to call me Sunday night. Now, we have phones, and we could call each other almost any time, but they are busy and I am busy, and we just don't take the time. So we arranged to talk at eight o'clock.

As the time grew close, I made sure my phone battery was charged up. I plugged my headphones into the phone to make sure I could hear clearly. I made sure the phone was on, and then I waited. Eight o'clock came and went, and my phone didn't ring. I tested it to make sure that it was working. Sometimes my phone has a habit of missing calls. I rebooted it to make sure that it would be ready. But there was no call and no message.

Then I got a text from my daughter that Jeramy would call after he finished dinner. Nine o'clock came and still the phone had not rung. I gave up hope and thought, well, perhaps tomorrow we'll talk. And so I started getting ready for bed.

And then suddenly the phone rang. A thrill of excitement went through me. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was my daughter's number. I answered, and I heard Jeramy's voice. Ah, it was a sweet moment to hear him say, "Hi, Grandpa".

The conversation

Normally, Jeramy, who is five, is not a prolific conversationalist. I have to ask a lot of questions to get him to talk. I try to ask open-ended questions that require more than a simple yes or no. He often just nods his head and doesn't elaborate, which does not translate well over the phone. But I have to keep the open-ended questions simple so that he can answer. So I avoid big questions like "What did you do today?" and ask focused questions like "Tell me one thing you did in preschool today."

This particular night, though, Jeramy was ready to talk. He began each subject with the introduction, "Hey Grandpa, guess what?" Then he would wait for me to respond, "Tell me what, Jeramy." Then he would tell me something about his Skylander game, or his new cousin, or what he ate for dinner. He even asked me what I had done that day. We had a marvelous conversation for about twenty minutes.

He exhausted his "guess whats", and it was his bed time, so we wrapped up the call. I told him that I loved him very much, and I heard those sweet words in response, "I love you, too, Grandpa." And then we hung up. My heart overflowed with love for my little grandson as I lay down that night to sleep.

God wants to hear from us

As I pondered that little memory this morning, every moment of which is etched in my heart, it occurred to me that my Heavenly Father was waiting to hear from me. I have been a long way from home for what seems to me at least to be a very long time. He misses me. He wants to hear my voice. He wants to know how I'm doing.

He has given me the gift of prayer, and he has promised to be listening on his end any time I want to call. But I'm busy, so I don't always take the time. I limit myself to a couple of times a day, when I rise in the morning, and before I retire for bed in the evening. I'm pretty regular about it, but sometimes I miss.

Now, I'm sure Father has his battery charged up, and his headphones are in, and his phone is in perfect working order. I think he waits anxiously every morning and every evening for me to call in. When I am late, or I get busy with other tasks and don't come to prayer right away, perhaps he wonders if I will forget altogether this day. But then I kneel down and fire up my standard prayer, and he looks at the caller ID and says to himself, "Oh, good. It's my son David. I have so looked forward to hearing from him today!"

I don't think he is disappointed when I offer up my poor little pathetic mortal prayer. Sometimes I feel him prompting me. "What did you do today?" he asks. "Did you notice the beautiful sunrise I created for you?" "What did you think about that verse in the scriptures that I caused to jump out at you this morning during your study?" "How did you feel when I prompted a friend to say hello?"

Occasionally, but not often enough, I am astute enough and spiritually awake enough to see blessings without being prompted. I say, "Hey Father, guess what? I smiled at a stranger today." "Hey Father, guess what? I helped a co-worker with a problem today." "Hey Father, guess what? Evelyn and I had a great conversation today about the gospel. I really felt the spirit, and I felt a great love for my sweet companion. Thank you for sending her to me."

I am not particularly concerned with the topics that Jeramy wants to talk about. Whatever is on his five-year-old mind is ok with me. I do not expect to debate the philosophy of existentialism with him. I do not expect to hear a well articulated exposition of Newtonian physics. I just want to hear from him, hear about whatever makes him happy and whatever might be weighing on his five-year-old heart. I just want to know that he remembers me and that we are still best friends. And I want him to know how much I care about him.

We remember him

Heavenly Father is no different. He doesn't mind that we do not know everything that he knows. He understands that our perspective is limited, and that we are blinded by mortality dust. He already knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows when we are happy and when we are hurt. He knows everything there is to know. Nevertheless, he still wants to hear from us. He wants to know - and more importantly, he wants us to know - that we remember him and we love him. And he wants us to know how much he cares about us.

That is what true prayer is about. It is not mechanical. It is not a thing to check off our list at night, like brushing our teeth, before we go to bed. It is about staying in touch with the One who loves us more than we can ever imagine in our little five-year-old hearts. It is about having a best friend who simply wants to share in our joys and our sorrows, who aches for us, and wants more than anything in the universe for us to come home to him.

It doesn't matter what we say or how we say it, as long as it is real and genuine and motivated by love. "Hey Father, guess what? I love you."

The happiness decision - When deciding is not enough

This is not my normal doctrinal blog full of scriptures and pithy quotes. My intent is nonetheless the same: to lift someone who needs to be lifted, to help someone who needs to be helped. I do not usually know who I am supposed to help, but I know what I am supposed to say.

Lest someone gets the impression that Pollyanna sunshine is the answer to every problem in life, I want to talk about those who cannot think the blues away. Depression and bipolar disorder are very real conditions. They are physical maladies in which the body cannot produce enough neurotransmitters like serotonin to keep the brain happy. Mortal life in a physical body runs on chemistry. Our bodies are, by their very nature, chemically dependent. When that chemistry gets out of balance, it is impossible to feel good. No amount of positive thinking will generate serotonin any more than it will generate insulin for a defective pancreas or thyroxine for a defective thyroid.

Everyone gets the blues from time to time. Life can be discouraging, and we can feel let down and defeated. Sadness is a part of our mortal sojourn. The fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil is a mixed bag that presents us with sweetness or bitterness at any given bite.

Depression, however, is not discouragement or simply a bad day. Someone who suffers from depression is not just having a down moment. Minor depression can last for several weeks; major depression may last for years. Depression can be the result of a psychosis (a serious break with reality), Bipolar Disorder (cycling mood swings), gloomy weather (Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD), and even childbirth (Postpartum Depression).

MRIs show that the brains of people with depression look different than those of people without depression. Areas of the brain associated with mood, sleep, appetite, thought, and behavior can be affected. Depression can have genetic predisposition, but it can also strike those who have no family history of depression. Obvious traumas, such as the loss of a loved one, a difficult relationship, or any stressful situation, can trigger depression in an otherwise happy person. Sometimes depression can occur without any obvious trigger.

One does not simply think his or her way out of depression, any more than one thinks his way out of a heart attack or kidney failure. Like any physical ailment, depression requires treatment. It is true that a person with heart disease or kidney disease can improve the situation by improving his lifestyle through exercise and proper diet. But when exercise and diet are not enough, medical intervention may be necessary. The same is true of depression. A depression sufferer can learn to recognize and avoid triggers. But sometimes that is not enough.

Depression is not a choice, but there is nevertheless a decision to be made. Depression does not rob us of our agency, although it may increase the difficulty in exercising that agency in a responsible way. We still own the decision to get help.

The Lord does not want us to suffer unnecessarily with bad hearts, bad kidneys, or bad chemistry. He has inspired people to develop marvelous technologies that can reduce suffering and heal and repair maladies. Elder Russel M. Nelson is a magnificent example of an inspired surgeon who developed phenomenal skills to help ailing hearts. God has created our miraculous bodies, and he provides the gift of healing; but he expects us to use all remedies at our disposal to help ourselves even as we exercise faith in him.

A story is told of a man who was trapped in the Louisiana floods caused by Hurricane Katrina. As the water rose around him, he climbed to the roof of his house, and he prayed mightily to God to save his life. After a short time, a man in a rowboat paddle near the submerged house. He told the man on the roof to jump aboard, but the man said that he had prayed and was waiting for God to save him. A few minutes later a helicopter hovered overhead. The rescuers dropped a line to hoist the man aboard, but he refused the line. He said he had prayed and was waiting for God to save him.

Shortly thereafter, the walls of the house began to crumble, and the roof, with the man still on it, began to slip into the murky, swirling flood waters. The man called out, "Lord, I prayed and I have faith. Why did you not save me?" Then he heard a voice from above the clouds. "I sent you a boat and a helicopter. What more do you want?"

There is no shame in removing a brain tumor or replacing a heart valve or getting a kidney transplant. There is likewise no shame in getting help with depression. When making the happiness decision is not enough, we should not assume that we are weak or unworthy or unloved or forgotten. Sin causes despair, and righteousness and repentance bring happiness. But if we are doing our best to avoid sin and keep the commandments, and happiness eludes us, help is available.

As one who has suffered with depression all of my life, and who has sought help more than once when the burden has been too much to carry alone, I know that help can be found. Life is too short to suffer needlessly. God helps us after all we can do.

For more information, see the National Institute of Mental Health's website article "Depression" (http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml).

The Happiness Decision

One of my favorite scriptures in all of holy writ is this statement about the little band of people who followed Nephi into the wilderness. "And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness." (2 Nephi 5:27)

God's nature – his natural state – is to be happy. When we go "contrary to the nature of God; therefore, [we] are in a state contrary to the nature of happiness" (see Alma 41:11)

The opposite of happiness is misery. I have a plaque on my wall that says, "Afflictions are required, misery is optional." Attitude rather than circumstances is the source of happiness. It is not what happens to me but what I make out of what happens to me that determines my level of happiness.

Happiness, therefore, is a decision. We make ourselves happy.

Happiness vs. Joy

Similar to, but not the same as, happiness is joy. They are not synonymous. Joy is a gift. God gives us joy.

A case in point: the scriptures contain 333 references to "joy", but only 27 references to "happiness". In the economy of the scriptures, joy is over ten times more important than happiness. It is nice to be happy, but happiness can be fleeting. God wants us to have joy. That is his goal.

Joy should, therefore, be our ultimate goal. Happiness is the road that leads to joy.

The difference between happiness and joy

I am happy quite frequently. I try to be happy everyday. When I am tempted to be miserable, if I put my mind to it, I can decide to be happy instead. Happiness happens so often I cannot keep track of the moments.

Joy, however, is poignant and memorable. Examples of moments of joy in my life:

• The day I knew for myself that the Book of Mormon was true
• The day I married my eternal sweetheart
• The birth of each of our children
• The first time I taught a lesson in the Gospel Doctrine class and felt the Holy Ghost working through me
• Every time I find myself in the mountains on a beautiful day enjoying God's creations
• The day I finished a particularly difficult hike up the Bairgutsman trail to the peak
• The day my team at work celebrated the successful conclusion of an eight-year project.

The prophet Lehi taught his family, "Men are that they might have joy" (2 Ne 2:25). Joy is the feeling of great pleasure, peace, and contentment. We are designed and engineered to seek pleasure and feel joy. It is in our very DNA. It is a powerful motivator, sometimes even more powerful than self-preservation. Joy comes as a result of our decision to be happy.

To emphasize that joy is a gift, recall Lehi's experience in his dream of the Tree of Life. After having wandered in a dark and dreary wasteland for many hours, he encountered a guide who showed him the way to the Tree of Life. In relating this dream, he told his sons, "And it came to pass that I did go forth and partake of the fruit thereof; and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted. Yea, and I beheld that the fruit thereof was white, to exceed all the whiteness that I had ever seen. And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy" (1 Nephi 8:11-12).  Nephi later learned that the tree and its fruit represent the love of God and eternal life, which is the greatest of all of the gifts of God. God's love is the greatest and surest source of joy. When we have God's love, we feel joy.

The joy of God's love is communicated to us through the Holy Ghost. Therefore, if we want true joy, we need to attune ourselves to his Spirit. God loves us all the time, but he expresses his love most freely when we are obedient and engaged in his service.

The Book of Mormon provides us with another key to joy. When Aaron presented the message of the gospel to the king of the Lamanites, "behold, said he, I will give up all that I possess, yea, I will forsake my kingdom, that I may receive this great joy" (Alma 22:15).

Joy is a marvelous gift, but it comes at a cost. We do not earn it, hence it is a gift of God. We do, however, have to qualify for it. We qualify to feel his love for us, and the joy that accompanies that love, when we serve him. Obedience and service generally require sacrifice. The more we sacrifice, the better qualified we are to receive joy. Brigham Young said that he never felt more of the love of God than when he and the saints were being mobbed and driven because he knew his sacrifice was acceptable to the Lord. The more we sacrifice for the Lord's sake, the more freely he can express his love for us, and the more joy we will feel.

Choosing happiness usually means choosing to serve, and service brings joy.

Lessons of joy and happiness

Adam and Eve learned the first lessons of joy and happiness. After having transgressed in the Garden of Eden, and finding themselves in the lone and dreary world, they evaluated their situation, and summarized it thus: "And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled... saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God. And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient"(Moses 5:10-11).

Joy is not reserved for the next life only. There are joys to be had in this mortal probation. We do not have a fullness of joy here, as I will discuss in a moment, but this life is not without joy.

Adam equated the opening of his eyes with joy. Eve said that her joy was in knowing that she was redeemed. Without a knowledge of Christ and the Atonement, it would be hard to have any kind of deep and abiding joy in this life. Our sins and mistakes would curse us forever. It would be impossible to look past all of the wrongs in this world – all of the injustice, pain, and sorrow – and feel joyful. But because of Christ's Atonement, we can have the peace of knowing that all wrongs will eventually be righted. With that knowledge, we can allow ourselves a measure of joy without feeling guilty and without being overwhelmed by the sorrows that are still among us in mortality.

When we choose to follow Christ and accept his Atonement, we choose happiness. The Atonement brings joy.

Like I mentioned earlier, we can not have perfect joy in this world. Through the Prophet Joseph Smith the Lord told the saints who were suffering persecutions in Missouri, "in this world your joy is not full, but in me your joy is full" (D&C 101:36).

Joy comes in degrees. When something is full, it contains as much as possible, it is complete in every detail, there are no restraints, it has all distinguishing characteristics, it lacks nothing essential in its nature, it is at the highest or greatest degree. Without Christ, though we may have a measure of joy, it is less than complete. It is constrained. It lacks certain characteristics of the joy that God feels. Some essential aspects are missing. it is not as great as it could be.

While joy can be a part of life in this world, it is not the sole purpose of mortal life. Mortality is a probation – a test. While we may taste of the rewards to come, we do not enjoy the full rewards until the full test has been administered and passed. We cannot pass the test without Christ. Only through his Atonement can we overcome the sins and transgressions that mar our lives. Only through the Atonement can the pains of this life be fully healed – both the pains that we cause others and the pains that others cause us.

Each decision we make for good is a decision for happiness. Goodness brings joy.

Fullness of joy

The Book of Mormon also teaches us that the joy of the righteous who inherit the kingdom of God shall be full forever (see 2 Ne 9:18). Joy is more than just the absence of pain. Eternal life with Heavenly Father and Christ is a fullness of joy forever. There is no end to joy, just as there is no end to life, because there is no end to creation, and in creation we have joy.

Yet even Heavenly Father's joy is not constant and unlimited. Enoch saw God weep over his wicked children who refused to accept and obey him.

In his Beloved Son, however, the Father's joy is full. It is complete and unreserved. There is nothing in Christ that diminishes the Father's joy and pleasure in his Son. As we become like Christ, Father's joy becomes more complete in us. We rejoice when we bring joy to the One we love. And so as his joy increases in us, our joy increases.

When we choose to love God, we choose happiness. Love brings joy.

The source of joy

One more point on joy. The Savior promises us, "Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy" (D&C 11:13). God is the source of joy. Because he has a fullness of joy, and because he loves us, he shares his joy with us.

The Holy Ghost is the medium of communication between God and man. Thus, it is through the Holy Ghost that God radiates his joy to us. It is therefore essential, if we want to feel God's joy in this life, that we be in tune with his Spirit. To the degree that we can qualify for the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost, we can have a constant source of joy. The gift of the Holy Ghost is a gift of joy. When we are filled with the Spirit, we are filled with joy. The soul of man is the uniting of body and spirit. To have our souls filled with joy is to have both temporal and spiritual joy. Such joy touches every part of our lives. It touches our senses as well as our hearts.

As noted earlier, joy is the great motivator. There are counterfeits and approximations everywhere, but they are temporary at best, and debilitating and destructive at their worst. The only dependable source of true and inexhaustible joy is God through the Holy Ghost because of Christ's Atonement.

God rejoices in us. Our greatest joys are centered in others. If we want joy, we should work to ensure that others have joy. Their joy adds to our joy. Hence the scripture in D&C 18:15 "And if it so be that you labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!" Our joy will be the greater because the joy of our loved one will be great.

We can make the decision for happiness every day. We choose joy for a lifetime and beyond.

Truth makes us free

The theme in sacrament meeting last Sunday was Jesus' statement, "the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32). The two obvious key words are "truth" and "free". I have pondered these concepts this week.

What is truth?

Pontius Pilate asked this question of Jesus on the day of his crucifixion (see John 18:38). Too bad the governor did not wait around for the answer.

Truth is more than a philosophical question. A simple but circular definition of truth is freedom from error. There is moral truth, which is what we believe, and there is physical truth, which is tangible reality. Most philosophers agree that independent, physical truth exists, but they generally disagree as to how and where we find truth, or even if it is knowable at all.

The question of truth is at the heart of Christian religion. We look to the scriptures to find truth. The Bible provides explanations of truth for most of the Christian world:

• "The truth of the Lord endureth for ever." (Psalms 117:2)
• "Praise and extol and honour the King of heaven, all whose works are truth." (Daniel 4:37)
• "These are the things that ye shall do; Speak ye every man the truth to his neighbour; execute the judgment of truth and peace in your gates" (Zechariah 8:16)
• "For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ." (John 1:17)
• "When he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come." (John 16:13)
• "[God's] word is truth." (John 17:17)
• "Thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground [foundation] of the truth." (1 Timothy 3:15)
• "The Spirit is truth." (1 John 5:6)

And finally, the curse of the scribes, rabbis and Pharisees: "Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth." (2 Timothy 3:7)

Thus, from the Bible we know that God has the truth, that he sent his truth to us through Jesus Christ, that the Holy Ghost will guide us to the truth, that God's word is true, that what he makes is true, and that the truth is in God's church. We also know that we can learn much and still not learn the truth.

Modern revelations give additional definitions of truth that are more direct, practical and to the point. They help explain what the Bible only hints at:

• "In the latter day shall the truth come unto the Gentiles, that the fulness of these things shall be made known unto them." (3 Nephi 16:7)
• "And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things." (Moroni 10:5) 
• "For behold, and lo, the Lord is God, and the Spirit beareth record, and the record is true, and the truth abideth forever and ever." (D&C 1:39)
• "The Book of Mormon... contains the truth and the word of God" (D&C 19:26)
• "Truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come" (D&C 93:24).

The ultimate definition of the truth comes from the Savior himself. He said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me" (John 14:6). He repeated himself in the Book of Mormon: "I am the light, and the life, and the truth of the world" (Ether 4:12). We find the ultimate truth in Christ.

An experience with truth

I once had an experience with truth. When I was in elementary school, I went to the house of a new friend one day. His name was Scott. He had four older brothers. I had only one brother and one sister. I thought his large family was cooler than my little family. So when Scott's mother asked me about my family, my urge to compensate overcame my good judgment, and I made up an elaborate story about a family with twelve children. I don't know why I picked twelve as my magic number. It just popped into my head. On the spot I made up names for my eleven siblings. I described how we ate dinner every night around a giant picnic table. I painted an impressive picture for Scott's mother. She was enthralled by my amazing family, and I was very cool.

A few weeks later, our school held its annual carnival. Assigned to the ping-pong-ball-in-the-fish-bowl booth were my mother and, by lucky happenstance, Scott's mother.

Sometime about midway through the carnival, my mother and Scott's mother came looking for me. I was sitting on the edge of the sandbox counting my tickets. It had never occurred to my nine-year-old brain that these two women would ever meet, and I had long since forgotten about my made-up mammoth family. Confronted with my whopper, I tried to come up with a good reason for having misrepresented my family, but I had nothin'. I do not recall any punishment at home afterwards, but the embarrassment of my stupidity has stuck with me to this day.

How does truth make us free?

When I think of freedom, I think of agency. Knowledge is the basis of agency. We cannot choose what we do not know. The presence of truth enables us to choose correctly.

Truth enlightens us in correct principles. It opens the door to do the right things. It is the pathway to light and life. Light is knowledge. It is also the source of life. Physical light is required for physical life; spiritual light is needed for spiritual life. Truth illuminates the way and enlivens and energizes us along the way.

Just as Christ is in the light of the sun that enables this earth to support life, he is our spiritual Sun, and the light that shines from him is truth (see D&C 88:7).

From what does the truth free us?

At the carnival that day, the truth, however uncool it might have been, would have freed me from an extremely uncomfortable situation and a tearful apology. It would have left me free to return to Scott's house, which I could never do again because of my mortal embarrassment. It would have freed me from the mistrust that I saw in my mother's eyes. And it would have freed me from having to try to remember all of the details that I had made up.

Truth is not just the absence of error. A vacuum contains no error, but neither does it contain the truth. Truth fills the vacuum with goodness. Thus, truth not only frees us from error, it enables us to fulfill ourselves as children of God. It free us from being nothing. It frees us from emptiness. Many good people in the world are nevertheless empty. Truth fills us.

The word is truth (see John 17:17); Christ is the word (see John 1:1-5); therefore, Christ is the truth. From what does Christ free us? From sin and death, from sorrow and affliction. This is the role of the truth.

How do we learn the kind of truth that makes us free?

Truth does not change or evolve. Truth is whole, not like the proverbial six blind man who explore an elephant. When we grasp a part of the truth and miss or ignore the whole, we are wrong.

There are many facets of truth only because the human mind has limitations to its understanding. But God, with his infinite mind, sees all truth as one great whole. If we are to learn God's truth, we have to go to the source. We must learn it from him, in his way.

Our perception of truth forms us and who we are. That which we believe is true directs our lives. Thus it is critical that we have access to God's truth and recognize it. Revelation is the key. The Holy Ghost is the conduit. Christ is the source. Pilate's answer was standing right in front of him. When we come unto Christ, we come unto the truth.

What are we doing every day to increase in essential, saving knowledge?

When we open the door to revelation, we open the window to the light of truth.

Jesus taught, "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you" (Matthew 7:7). To ask is to pray. To seek is to study. To knock is to work. If we want truth, we must pray for it, study the scriptures, and serve in faith. These are the daily actions that bring light and truth into our lives.

"That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day." (D&C 50:24). "Perfect" means whole and complete. We may not get the whole truth in one day. But as the truth grows in us, we grow in the truth. May we each come to have a perfect, complete, whole day, even a day of truth.

The Power of Discernment

My patriarchal blessing contains the promise that I will have the "power of discernment". That phrase has always intrigued me. When I was a teenager, I believed that I could look at a person and sense what he was feeling, especially if that person were troubled. I recall seeing the wife of my bishop walking quickly through the cultural hall of our building one Sunday morning. She was upset and crying, and I instantly knew that she and the bishop had had an argument, and that he had hurt her feelings.

I realize now, of course, that I did not know anything about anyone. We can often see the surface emotions of happiness and sadness, or excitement or fear. We do not know, however, what is in the person's heart.

We live all of our lives in our own skulls, and we see everyone and everything through the lens of our own eyes. We assume much; we know very little. Even those who are closest to us – our spouse and our children – are far more like opaque granite than translucent crystal. We may think our loved one's know us, but they are as blind to us as we are to them.

Yet, this power of discernment suggests that we do not have to live in total isolation from our fellow mortals. As I have been studying my patriarchal blessing, I have wanted to learn more about this power. If it is not ESP, then what is it, how do we get it, and how does it work?

What Is Discernment?

I always start with the dictionary. There I learn that discernment is "the ability to judge well. Perception in the absence of judgment with a view to obtaining spiritual direction and understanding." Thus, sometimes we may judge well. A trained psychologist can sometimes infer from one's words and actions deeper thoughts, intents, and anxieties. Most of us, however, are not professional observers. For us, perception in the absence of judgment is what we need. It comes not through supernatural ESP, but from spiritual direction.

Daniel H. Ludlow wrote, "The gift of discernment consists of the spiritual quality or skill of being able to see or understand, especially that which is hidden or obscure. To possess this gift is to receive divinely revealed understanding of opposing spirits – the spirit of God and the spirit of the devil. Persons possessing such a gift also correctly perceive the right course of action (D&C 63:41)." Thus we learn that the power of discernment is a spiritual gift. It is a form of revelation. The gift of discernment helps us to recognize good and evil, truth and error. Through this gift we can understand or know something through the power of the Spirit. It includes perceiving the true character of people and the source and meaning of spiritual manifestations.

1 Samuel 16:7 tells us, "But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." The Lord here reminds us that the natural man judges only by what he sees and observes with his natural eyes. The natural man is blind to what lies behind the observable surface.

God, however, knows all things. He knows each one of us inside and out. He sees not only our actions but the purposes and desires behind them. And to those of us who are willing to put off the natural man, he will reveal knowledge when we need it. We can know whom the Lord has refused because his heart is not right, regardless of how righteous he may appear; and likewise we can know whom the Lord accepts and whom he is working with, regardless of the problems he may appear to have in his life and the trials and challenges he may be trying to overcome. What we want to be in our hearts is as important to God as the works we manifest unto man. As we strive to become more like God, we see people more as God sees them, because God reveals their hearts unto us through the gift of discernment.

The gift of discernment can help us in many ways. Stephen L. Richards taught, "Every member in the restored Church of Christ could have this gift if he willed to do so. He could not be deceived with the sophistries of the world. He could not be led astray by pseudo-prophets and subversive cults. Even the inexperienced would recognize false teachings, in a measure at least. With this gift they would be able to detect something of the disloyal, rebellious, and sinister influences which not infrequently prompt those who seemingly take pride in the destruction of youthful faith and loyalties. The gift of discernment [embodies] the power to discriminate between right and wrong [and] arises largely out of an acute sensitivity to spiritual impressions to detect hidden evil, and more importantly to find the good that may be concealed. The highest type of discernment uncovers [in others] their better natures, the good inherent within them."

Near the end of his life and the end of his writings, the prophet Moroni quotes his father Mormon, who teaches us powerful truths about judging and discernment in Moroni 7:12-18. The ability to judge, as it is described in these verses, is the power to discern. In this case, the scripture gives us a key to the discerning of good and evil. This most basic of discerning powers is given to all. The source of this power is the Spirit of Christ, or the light of Christ, which is given to everyone who comes into the world. It is the first and most fundamental gift. This ability to discern right and wrong, good and evil (which we call conscience) can set us initially on the path to Christ and God. This power, however, is only a light in the darkness. It does not force us to judge correctly. It only gives us the chance to do so. We can ignore the gift and choose darkness over light. When we do so, the light can go out, and it may be hard to find it again.

How Do We Get It?

In the first place, the power of discernment is a spiritual gift (see 1 Corinthians 12:10). It is one of the many gifts of the Spirit that are available to faithful disciples of Christ.

Mormon, through his son Moroni, tells us how we receive gifts of the spirit. First he says, "And now, my brethren, how is it possible that ye can lay hold upon every good thing? And now I come to that faith, of which I said I would speak; and I will tell you the way whereby ye may lay hold on every good thing... it is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of unbelief, and all is vain" (Moroni 7:20-21, 37).

Faith is the first key. Then follows hope. And finally comes charity. (See Moroni 7:40-47.) If we do not have charity, all gifts, including the gift of discernment, are vain, useless, and unfulfilled.

And how to we acquire charity, and all other spiritual gifts? Mormon does not leave us in the dark. "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure" (Moroni 7:48).

We pray for it, we live for it, we have faith that God will bestow it, we exercise hope, we follow Christ, and we do all we can to become like him.

Put another way, we can develop discernment through the following steps (see "How to Develop the Power of Discernment", LDS Church News, 11/18/95):

• Praying: When we pray, we focus our minds on our Heavenly Father. Prayer is not a chance for us to tell God what we want. It helps us to learn our Father's will.
  
• Searching: Through diligent, prayerful scripture study, our understanding of the gospel increases and so does our ability to recognize truth and error. President Ezra Taft Benson said that the Book of Mormon exposes the enemies of Christ, and it does.
  
• Obeying: When we're obedient to the commandments, we have the Spirit to be with us. When we're disobedient, the Spirit withdraws.
  
• Feeling: We speak of listening to our feelings. If a person, thing or idea makes us feel good and want to be more like Christ, then we know it's good.
  
• Acting: We must heed the promptings of the Spirit. If we don't act upon the gift, the gift dwindles.

Like any gift or talent, the power of discernment must be practiced. While we pray for the gift, we ought also to pray for opportunities to use it. The Lord will establish a program for us to exercise the gift and learn to use it. He will place people and situations in our path that challenge us to discern truth and error, perceive good and evil, and understand the hearts of others. If our heart is pure, God will help us see into the hearts of others so that we may exercise charity to help them.

How Does It Work?

We get a clue to the operation of this power in the revelations to Joseph Smith. "Behold, I, the Lord, will give unto my servant Joseph Smith, Jun., power that he shall be enabled to discern by the Spirit those who shall go up unto the land of Zion, and those of my disciples who shall tarry" (D&C 63:41). The Prophet Joseph knew by the Spirit (i.e., by revelation) the will of the Lord for what people in the Church should do. The ability to discern the will of the Lord is another way of describing personal revelation.

The Apostle Paul provides more clarification. "For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart" (Hebrews 4:12).

The word of God is revelation, which comes through the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost can discern our thoughts and our desires or intentions. He knows what we are thinking, planning, and purposing to do, regardless of what we actually do. And he can reveal those thoughts, purposes, and desires to those who are spiritually in tune. If we ask, we do not have to be deceived by false teachings and false actions of others. We can know by the Spirit what is in another person's heart, regardless of how they may appear. That is the gift of discernment. By that same power of revelation, we can also know when a person's desires and purposes are right and good, regardless of the mistakes he may make.

An excellent example of the use of the gift of discernment is found in the story of Ammon and King Lamoni. In this story, Ammon defends the flocks of the king and defeats the wicked men who seek to steal them. This is the favorite story of every boy in the Church, because Ammon cuts off the arms of the attackers, and the king's servants bring in the gory bundle of severed arms to show the king. It is the legitimate, mormonized version of a good old fashioned horror movie.

At any rate, the king summons Ammon, but then he is too awestruck by this humble servant to speak to him. So after an hour of silence, Ammon asks the king if he is marveling because Ammon has wounded and killed the king's enemies. This is how Lamoni responds: "Now when the king had heard these words, he marveled again, for he beheld that Ammon could discern his thoughts; but notwithstanding this, king Lamoni did open his mouth, and said unto him: Who art thou? Art thou that Great Spirit, who knows all things?" (Alma 18:18).

The Lord revealed to Ammon the king's thoughts so that he could teach the king about the gospel. Not only did Ammon know the question that the king wanted to ask him, but he also knew that his heart was prepared to receive the gospel.

An example of a different way that discernment works, is found in the life of Moses. During his face-to-face interview with God, at the time that he received his calling, the scriptures tell us, "And it came to pass, as the voice was still speaking, Moses cast his eyes and beheld the earth, yea, even all of it; and there was not a particle of it which he did not behold, discerning it by the Spirit of God. And he beheld also the inhabitants thereof, and there was not a soul which he beheld not; and he discerned them by the Spirit of God; and their numbers were great, even numberless as the sand upon the sea shore" (Moses 1:27-28).

The experience of Moses with God on the mountain is a perfect example of the ability through revelation to discern all things. In one burst of knowledge, he comprehended the vastness of the earth and every microscopic particle at the same time. Through that same revelatory power he was able to comprehend every inhabitant of the earth, past, present and future. He not only saw them, but he discerned them, meaning he knew them, knew their hearts, knew their potential, and knew their shortcomings.

This is the same process by which Jesus atoned for the sins of the world and took upon himself all of our afflictions. Bishop H. David Burton once taught that Christ did not atone for the sins of the world in one massive lump. In other words, the sins of the world were not laid on his shoulders as a single great pile of guilt and suffering. Rather, Bishop Burton suggested, Christ discerned each of us – every soul who ever lived, was living then, and would yet live on this earth – by the power of the Spirit. Just as Moses discerned us all, one by one and individually, so Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane discerned each of us individually.

He saw me; he walked with me; he lived my life with me; he experience each mistake, each embarrassment, each fault, each sin in my life. And having been through it all with me, he agreed to own every sin, every guilt, every failure. He hurt when I hurt; he cried with I cried; he felt every trial and affliction and sorrow that burdened my heart, and he agreed to carry them. And he did it billions of times for you and me and everyone. By the power of the Spirit, in the space of a few hours of earth time, he lived countless billions of lifetimes. He took it all. He drained the cup. He left nothing to chance. He left nothing undone. Thus is his Atonement infinite and eternal. He paid for an infinite number of sins for an eternal period of time. We cannot commit one more sin that he has paid for, and we cannot wait until the Atonement has reached the statute of limitations and then commit a sin that he missed. It is all covered, and it was done through the power of discernment.

Conclusion

"And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things" (D&C 88:67). When we consistently discern truth from error and choose truth, our eye becomes single to God and his ways. Our righteous choices open a conduit through which pure light can pass and fill us. When we are full of light, there is no room for darkness. When we turn on a light in the middle of a room, the only shadows we see are cast by obstructions, our own selves being perhaps the biggest obstacle of all. If we remove all of the obstacles, every corner of the room is filled with light, and there is no darkness.

That is how I want to be. When I am filled with light, two things happen. First, others who are spiritually minded will discern the light within me. And second, I will be able to comprehend (i.e., discern) all things. Nothing that is good will be hid from me. And nothing that is evil will deceive me. The conduit of light that fills me will be like fiber-optic cable transmitting revelation directly to me. When I need to know something, I will know it by the Spirit, no matter how big or no matter how small.

Testimonies Are More Like Trees Than Cornstalks

While studying for an upcoming Sunday school class, I gleaned an insightful thought from Elder Boyd K. Packer's talk in the 1982 Mission President Seminar, titled "The Quest for Spirit Knowledge" (see New Era, Jan. 2007, 2–7).

"A testimony is not thrust upon you; a testimony grows. We become taller in testimony like we grow taller in physical stature; we hardly know it happens because it comes by growth. You cannot force spiritual things. Such words as compel, coerce, constrain, pressure, and demand do not describe our privileges with the Spirit. You can no more force the Spirit to respond than you can force a bean to sprout or an egg to hatch before its time. You can create a climate to foster growth, nourish, and protect; but you cannot force or compel: you must await the growth. Do not be impatient to gain great spiritual knowledge. Let it grow, help it grow, but do not force it or you will open the way to be misled."

I offer some thoughts related to this statement, not to boast, but simply to share and to encourage. My experience for the most part bears out Elder Packer's assertion that a testimony grows imperceptibly. It is true that I can point to very specific moments in my life when my testimony of one principle or another has burst forth in brilliant, revelatory light. But those moments are the exception rather than the rule.

The Cornstalk

For example, I learned that the Book of Mormon was true after reading just one sentence. About three weeks before I was due to leave for my mission to Germany I had reached a crisis in my faith. I believed the Church was true and that Joseph Smith was a prophet, but I did not know it. Like many young missionaries, I questioned whether I could spend the next two years testifying of something I did not know for sure was true. In my young mind, so full of worry and fear, I came to the conclusion that I either had to have a sure testimony or I would not go on my mission. In my exigency, I remembered the words of Sister Nelson, my seminary teacher, that the keystone of our religion is the Book of Mormon. If the Book of Mormon is true, everything else follows. I determined that the Book of Mormon would be my test. If God would reveal to me that the Book of Mormon is true, I would be satisfied that all of the rest would fall into place.

After a depressing day of meaningless and spiritless church meetings, I made up my mind to begin my experiment the next day. On Monday morning I prepared for school a half hour early. I seated myself in the recliner in my room, kicked up my feet, open my leather-bound Triple Combination, and thumbed to the first page of the Book of Mormon. I closed my eyes and said a simple, sincere, desperate prayer. "Heavenly Father, if you are there, and if you want me to go on this mission, please tell me that the Book of Mormon is true."

I began reading in 1 Nephi Chapter 1. I fully expected to read for thirty minutes that morning and again in the evening and every day for the next three weeks, until I reached the end of the book. When I finished the book, I expected that I would have an answer either way. But what happened that first Monday morning rocked me to my core. I had no sooner read the words "I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents" than I was instantly overcome by a powerful feeling of warmth and peace. The Holy Ghost pored pure knowledge into my mind and changed my heart. He bore knowledge into the very fibers of my being at the cellular level.

In that moment, I knew with absolute certainty that Nephi was a real person. He had lived a real life. He had real parents. He had walked across the desert, fought with his brothers, retrieved brass plates, built a ship, and sailed with his family to the American continent. I knew that the Book of Mormon was true, that it had been written by ancient prophets and translated by a modern prophet. In that moment, all doubt and fear were swept from my mind. I knew I could serve my mission with confidence that I could testify boldly of the gospel of Christ as it was contained in the Book of Mormon.

I read for the allotted thirty minutes, and then put the book down so I could go to school. When I closed the cover, the feeling stopped. What was that? I wondered. I thought about the experience throughout the day, but the feeling itself was gone. Perhaps I had only imagined it. Maybe I had hypnotized myself. Try as I might, I could not conjure up that warm and peaceful feeling again.

Determined, however, to keep my personal commitment to continue the experiment, I took my seat in my recliner the next morning, picked up the book and turned to the place where I had left off the previous day, and said the same prayer. "Heavenly Father, if you are there, and if you want me to go on this mission, please tell me that the Book of Mormon is true." As I started to read, the same overpowering feelings took possession of me, and I knew again with a certainty as surely as if I were standing on the deck of the ship with Nephi that he was a real person and that he had written the words I was reading. I knew my mission call was from God and that he wanted me to go on my mission.

I reveled in the glow of the Spirit for a half hour, and then closed the book. It was like I had just turned off a light bulb. I was not cast, however, into total darkness. A faint ember continued to glow in my heart. I again pondered my experience throughout the day. Maybe there is a pattern here, I thought to myself.

The next morning I arose early again, this time anxious to get my reading underway. I sat down, opened the book, said my prayer, and again the feelings came, my mind expanded, my heart swelled, and I knew that it was all true. I was convinced that I was not making this up, that I was not hypnotized, that I was experiencing a real communication from heaven, sent by a loving Heavenly Father who knew what his son needed to enable him to accept his call to serve a mission. I continued to read every day until I left on my mission, with the same effect each time I opened the book. It was no longer a surprise, however, but a great comfort and a steady assurance that I was known by God and that he cared about me. My heart was changed. My mind was enlightened. My conviction was anchored. My knowledge was sure.

Such was my experience in a moment of extreme crisis. Not everyone faces such a crisis, nor have such events occurred regularly in my life. To Elder Packer's point, I can also testify that testimony typically grows rather than bursts forth. These fast-growing cornstalks of testimony have been the exception in my life. Most of my testimony has grown slowly over the years, like the Japanese Elm tree in my front yard.

The Tree

A few years after we moved into our home in Kaysville, I dug out a patch of sod in the middle of our front lawn and created a garden patch. In the middle of this island Evelyn and I planted a Japenese Elm. For the first few years of its life, the tree was barely larger than a bush. It was no taller than my head. When I used the electric weed wacker to trim around the island, I could simply throw the extension cord over the top of the tree as I worked my way around the border.

Then one day, to my surprise, the cord got caught in the top branch of the tree. I had to stop trying to throw the cord over it and to backtrack around the island to finish trimming. Without my realizing it, the tree had grown.

So has been my testimony.

Today I know that God lives, that he loves me, and that he knows me personally. I know that Jesus Christ lives. He is my personal Savior as well as the Redeemer of the world. He has taken upon him my sins and has provided a way for me to become perfect in him. I know that he has all power and is filled with perfect and abiding love for all of God's children. I know that Joseph Smith was God's chosen prophet in these last days. I know that the gospel he restored is the true doctrine of Christ. I know the plan of salvation is true. I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is God's true church on the earth today. I know that there is power in the priesthood. I know that President Thomas S. Monson is a living prophet of the living God. I know that Boyd K. Packer and his eleven brethren in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles are living witnesses of the resurrected Christ.

This knowledge has come to me line upon line and precept upon precept, here a little and there a little (see Isaiah 28:10). It has grown in me because I made room for the seed to take root in my heart, I nourished the seed with daily prayer, scripture study, and faithful obedience to the best of my ability, and I applied a healthy dose of faith (see Alma 32:28). As a result, my tree of testimony has grown slowly but surely, imperceptibly at times, but miraculously nonetheless. There have been years of drought and periods of pestilence. But the tree has endured. What was once a little bush of belief is now at least tall enough that I cannot just toss an extension cord over it anymore. I anticipate more wonderful growth if I continue to nourish it. As the Son-light grows brighter and brighter in my life, I look forward to the day when my little tree of testimony, touched by the hand of Christ, will become a tree of life, even eternal life. Such is my testimony.